Part of the cluster
Senior Transitions services →I get a version of this call almost every week. Someone in their 40s or 50s, voice tight, opens with: my parents really need to move and I don't know how to bring it up.
Here is the framework I share with them. It is not a sales pitch: it is a sequence that respects autonomy and still moves things forward.
Step 1: Lead with curiosity, not logistics
The mistake most adult children make is opening with the answer. Don't walk in with a brochure for Anthem Ranch. Walk in with a question: what would you change about this house if you could?
Listen for friction. The basement laundry. The driveway in winter. The empty bedrooms that just collect dust. Those are openings, not arguments.
Step 2: Name the goal in their language
The word "downsizing" lands like loss. "Rightsizing" lands like agency. So does "freeing up time" or "matching the house to the life you actually live now."
Pick the framing that fits your parent. My SRES training calls this honoring identity: the home is part of who they are, and the conversation has to acknowledge that before it can move them.
Step 3: Bring in a neutral expert before you bring in a brochure
Once they are open to exploring, the next call should not be from you with a Zillow link. It should be a low-pressure conversation with someone who has done this hundreds of times. That is literally what an SRES does.
I often do a coffee or kitchen-table visit with the parent: no pressure, no listing presentation, just answering questions. Adult children are welcome but I make sure the parent is the client.
Step 4: Sequence the moves
- Tour 2-3 communities or floor plans before talking about selling.
- Decide on the destination (or at least the type of destination) before listing the current home.
- Coordinate the sale and the purchase so there is no scramble: bridge financing, rent-back, or staged moves are all options.
- Bring in estate-sale, downsizing, and move-management partners early. I keep a vetted list.
What not to do
- Don't surprise them with a Realtor showing up unannounced.
- Don't promise grandkids that grandma is moving before grandma has agreed.
- Don't let the conversation only happen during a crisis (a fall, a hospitalization). That is the worst time to make a 30-year decision.
About the author
Maddie Cowger is a bilingual (English + Spanish) Realtor with eXp Realty serving the Denver and Boulder metro. SRES- and SFR-certified, with a marketing background that predates her real estate career. Read her story or book a no-pressure call.
